Irish Webmasters

Damned computers

2010-08-19T15:57:06+00:00

I don’t know if it’s just me, but I find a lot of the advertisements on television rather disturbing these days.

I find all advertisements irritating, but there seems to be a fashion nowadays to treat all adults as if they had the mentality of a five year old.

Cartoons are for children? Right? So why do the insist on trying to sell their shite to adults using cartoons? I am sick of furry little animals and strange characters prancing around silently on my screen.

There is one advertisement that I find particularly disturbing. I think it’s for some fucking fabric conditioner or other, but they have these nauseating little rag dolls poncing around the screen. Am I supposed to be impressed? I can tell you here and now that I’m not. I’m nauseated.

Then there is that revolting nodding fucking dog, Churchill. Oh, how I would love to ram a ten foot pole wrapped in razor wire up his condescending arse. That would wipe the fucking smirk off his face.

Another one that I find deeply disturbing is that one with the characters with the long noses. I don’t know why, but I get the feeling I’m witnessing someone’s nightmare in glorious technicolour.

Of course none of these advertisements would be possible if the advertising industry didn’t have computers.

I wish we could go back to the good old pre-computer days, when cartoons had to be hand-drawn

Forest Eireann

2010-08-18T14:24:08+00:00

I received a mail yesterday.

That in itself is not noteworthy as I receive a lot of mail. This one was good news though.

There is an organisation in the UK called FOREST [Freedom Organisation for the Right to Enjoy Smoking Tobacco]. They have been around for quite a while [since 1979 to be precise] and are widely respected and recognised as the voice of the disenfranchised smoker. The mail I received informed me that FOREST have now opened their first non-UK branch here in Ireland – Forest Éireann.

Personally I think their aims are reasonable. In some ways I would consider them to be over generous, but be that as it may.

debunk some of the myths about smoking (especially so-called "passive smoking")
counteract the “denormalisation” of smoking
stop the introduction of further restrictions on smoking in public or private spaces
lobby politicians to amend (not repeal) public smoking bans and relax excessive regulations on outdoor smoking shelters
highlight the enormous financial contribution made by smokers to the public purse
build support among smokers and tolerant non-smokers
highlight the increasingly intrusive nature of Big Government in the lives of private individuals

To quote John Mallon, Forest Éireann’s spokeman -

The outcome of the smoking ban, now in its sixth year in Ireland, suggests that it has been counter-productive. Smoking rates have increased while one pub a day closes due to the effects of the ban. Meanwhile society is polarised at social occasions due to large numbers of people being forced to go outdoors to smoke.

Our aim is not to overturn smoking bans because we respect the wishes of non-smokers who prefer a smoke free environment. But we would like to see the law amended so that licensees can provide a separate smoking room indoors if there is sufficient demand. We also want the regulations on outdoor smoking shelters relaxed so that people can smoke outside in much greater comfort, and we want politicians in Ireland to stop using tobacco taxation as a form of social engineering.

Tobacco control affects everybody, smoker and non-smoker alike, because it creates a less tolerant society. If like-minded people don’t fight it now a host of other restrictions will surely follow.

I think that is pretty reasonable? I have signed up to show my support.

Why don’t you?

Why not show your support by sticking a badge on your side [like what I done]?

Go on.

Ah, go on, go on, go on.

UK Food Exports Are Spammers

2010-08-18T13:00:09+00:00

They're at it again

UK Food Exports, which claims it's an independent guide to to sourcing products from the UK, is spamming me and others again.

They're still using that stupid disclaimer and their phone number goes to a fax machine.

So since I can't contact them directly I think I'll just see if the UK data protection lot have anything to say about them ...

Quick Reflections on the Leaving Cert

2010-08-18T10:17:47+00:00

Today thousands of Irish teenagers will be collecting / checking their Leaving Cert results (Ireland's answer to A Levels / Bac / SAT).

Based on the media hype surrounding it you could be easily conned into thinking that the world actually cares.

Reality - they don't.

The Leaving Cert is a bit of paper. You can use the points / score to get a place in a university.

That is all.

In a couple of years time you won't care about it.

The rest of us haven't cared in years. Some of us never cared to begin with.

Putting your LC results on your CV when you're 17 or 18 is fine. Putting them on it when you're in your late 20s with a college degree is pointless. Providing details of ALL your grades is just plain wrong.

Sky Player On Mac - Quick Review

2010-08-17T19:23:27+00:00

Sky have been promoting their Sky Player service for quite some time.
At the moment you can access it on the XBox, though for some odd reason the XBox version doesn't have access to the "premium" content ie. Sky Box Office.

So if, like me, you don't have a phone line setup with your Sky box and you don't run Windows, your options are a bit limited.

You can, however, watch Sky Box Office on your desktop.

Word of warning. To use the Sky Player you will need to have the latest version of Microsoft's Silverlight installed.

For some bizarre reason the player will load fine in Firefox, but trying to watch anything using Firefox will not work. You might have better luck than me, but I ended up switching to Safari. In Firefox it seemed to be stuck permanently "buffering".

So what's the experience like?

To be honest I can't really complain. I'm using a 27" iMac, so once I was in a comfortable chair I was able to enjoy a couple of films without any issues. You can easily view the films in full screen view and the quality on a 27" screen was fine. It wasn't as good as watching on my TV with my full surround sound, but that was my choice (albeit one dictated by circumstance).

Renting films is pretty easy. Once you have an online account with Sky you can signup for their "wallet", which you can add funds to in order to watch films and other paid content.

It is unfortunate that the standalone player software is not available for the Mac as I suspect it might give more options in terms of quality and control. The Silverlight powered stream works fine, but has very little in the way of controls.

All in all it's not an unpleasant way to watch Sky Box Office films legally!

Skyping Herself

2010-08-17T13:30:52+00:00

I don’t know if I mentioned before that Herself is a bit under the weather?

Maybe I did, and maybe I didn’t. It’s not important.

Anyhow, she started complaining and coughing a few days ago. I ignored it, but then the neighbours started complaining that her coughing was keeping their children awake at night when she was working in the garden. I brought her to the doctor.

Now, Doc is away on holidays and there was some stand-in replacement at the surgery. This replacement obviously wasn’t very good as she immediately gave Herself some tablets and told her to take things easy. Take things easy? For fuck’s sake! It’s no wonder the replacement doesn’t have her own practice if she is dishing out namby pamby advice like that.

Anyhow, yesterday the coughing was getting on my nerves so for once, I told her she could have a day or two off and have a lie in in her shed. The potato crop can wait for a day or two.

For those of you who have never visited the Manor, the shed is quite a distance from the house. It’s in the far corner just behind the nettles. This presented a problem. How was I to stay in touch with her? I could have used my mobile phone, but she has a habit of switching hers off for some reason. I didn’t feel like shouting so I was in a bit of a quandary.

Then it struck me.

The perfect solution.

Now, I like Skype in my laptop. It’s a handy little programme and is great for keeping in touch with people. I installed it on her laptop, and brought it down to her. That cheered her up because she likes playing on the Interweb. I showed her how to answer Skype and I left her to it.

Now, if I want to talk to her, all I have to do is Skype her.

I think I’ll Skype her now.

My mug of tea needs refreshing.

Find A Use For A Body Bag

2010-08-17T09:26:40+00:00

I get a lot of deliveries to the office. A lot of the time it's simply because my name is on a supplier account, so the package arrives. Is checked and gets handed over to one of our staff.

Of course I also get deliveries from Amazon and other places.

Yesterday's delivery was a bit "different"

A white body bag.

The problem now is, what the hell do I do with it?

While some of my staff are annoying at times, I haven't actually killed any of them *yet*. Besides, if I was going to kill any of my staff I'd want quick lime - not a body bag.

So does anyone have any suggestions on what I can do with it?

It seems like a waste letting it gather dust!

USI Whinging

2010-08-16T14:39:29+00:00

Earlier today there was apparently some kind of demonstration outside Batt O' Keeffe's offices in Cork. Of course he wasn't even there ..

Why?

Seemingly USI are upset that the minister didn't drop everything to meet them. Or at least that's what it sounds like based on their rather whingy press release. I love this bit:

Last week Minister O’Keeffe requested the help of the Union of Students in Ireland (USI) to combat graduate unemployment. However, despite our request for an urgent meeting, the Minister has so far failed to meet with us.

Yeah - getting meetings with important people is going to happen overnight.

In the "real world" getting a meeting with a business or political leader can take weeks. That doesn't mean that they don't want to meet you or that they're not interested, but they have busy schedules (and no - I'm not an apologist for Fianna Fail or O'Keeffe)

But what really gets me is the entire tone of the USI release

Have all the graduates made an effort to get a job? Of ANY kind?

Or are they just sitting there expecting someone to spoon feed them?

Second hand obesity

2010-08-16T12:39:52+00:00

I came across a newspaper article this morning.

The article looks to me like the opening salvo in the latest war. Now that smokers have been confined to the ghettos, it’s time to move on to the next phase – the ‘obese’.

The article is interesting from quite a few angles.

In it, the author [a Dr Dennis Gottfried MD] is quite open about the fact that the smoking war is based on lies and propaganda.

There is no question that second-hand smoke can be unpleasant; few non-smokers want to sit in a cloud of tobacco dust or have tobacco smell on their clothing or hair. But is it dangerous to your health? A study of 35,561 spouses of smokers followed for 38 years published in the British Medical Journal in 2003 showed that second-hand smoke is an irritant, but does not cause life-threatening disease.

So there you have it from someone apart from myself. He admits that second-hand smoke is harmless and goes on to gloat about “the social isolation of smokers”.

The really interesting bit comes in the second half of the article.

“A study published in the New England Journal of Medicine in July 2007 clearly shows that each of us is at an added personal health risk of gaining weight if our friends or associates become obese. This fascinating study followed the weight changes over time among residents of Framingham, Mass. It revealed "networks of obesity"; that is, we are all interconnected in regard to weight.

When people with whom we are closely associated gain weight, such as a spouse, sibling, neighbour or friend, we are also at an increased risk of gaining weight. For example, if your friend becomes obese, you have a 177 percent increased risk of becoming obese. If your friend’s brother becomes obese, your risk is still increased. The increased risk goes out to four degrees of separation.”

So there you have it. The war has only just begun and they are already talking about second-hand obesity.

Second hand obesity seems to be far deadlier that second-hand smoking. You can apparently be infected by someone you have never even heard of? If my friend’s sister’s husband, who lives in Australia is obese, then I run a higher risk of obesity? Wow! Potent stuff? That is truly astounding. It is so astounding that it could only come from the Anti Lobby who are masters of the distorted truth and falsified statistics.

At the end of the article, we gat a glimpse into the future.

Yes. Eaters are going to be socially isolated too. If you want to eat that burger, you are going to have to get the fuck outa here. Get your lard-arse out into the back yard which is the designated fatty area.

So what’s next? Third hand obesity? Are we going to get fat from sitting at a table where a fat person sat?

I can see fun times ahead.

-oOo-

[Hat tip to Frank Davis who pointed me in the right direction]

Irish Web Awards Nominations Open

2010-08-16T11:38:00+00:00

Nominations for the 2010 Irish Web Awards are now open

NOTE: New shiny web address

This year sees the introduction of some new categories as well:

Best Mobile App
Best SME/Small Business Website
Best Facebook Page
Best Web Only Publication
Best Guerilla Social Media Campaign (Zero Budget)

The event is organised by Mulley and headline sponsor is Realex Payments

Smoking a strimmer can damage your health

2010-08-15T14:15:08+00:00

I decided to do some strimming yesterday.

The old estate is getting a little out of hand and the only way to tame it is a show of brute force. I do my gardening with slash-hooks, chain saws and strimmers.

My strimmer isn’t one of those pansy ones that plugs in. No. It is an honest-to-God power yoke with a two-stroke engine. I think I may have overdone the oil to petrol mix a tad as it can be quite smoky. It was a calm day, so when I fired up the strimmer, I disappeared in a cloud of blue smoke which enveloped me for the hour or so I was out there.

For hours after I finished, I could taste the burnt oil. I realised at that point that not only had I been breathing burning oil for an hour or so, but I must have indulged in a massive dose of carbon monoxide, not to mention a lethal dose of other toxins, poisons and carcinogens. I would hazard a guess that an hour of that cocktail would be equivalent to smoking around a thousand cigarettes?

So where is the health warning? Where is ASH when you need ‘em? Why isn’t the State looking after my health?

“Strimming can cause a painful death”

“Strimming can lower your sperm count”

“Want to quit strimming? Contact your doctor or pharmacist”

The Nanny State are missing out on a nice little niche market here. I don’t know how they missed it.

Strimming may not be addictive [unless you are a very strange person], but it is highly contagious. I have noticed in the past that whenever I start, I am the one to shatter the peace and quiet of the countryside. By the time I have finished though, there are usually three or four strimmers, chainsaws or other two-strokes running in the neighbourhood.

The thing that concerns me most is that strimming may lead to harder drugs.

Like four-strokes?

Urges

2010-08-14T15:00:04+00:00

I have a terrible urge on me.

It is an urge, nay a hankering and a longing that would rival that of any heroin addict who hasn’t had a fix.

I want to be in France.

The problem though is that I don’t want to go to France; I just want to be there.

I want to be where the air is hot and dry. I want to be where mooching around in nothing but a pair of shorts is the norm. I want to spend my days drifting from village to village sampling the coffee, and the evenings supping wine out on the terrace.

The big problem is getting there.

It’s a long way, and it is fucking expensive.

Firstly it means I am hostage to the fortunes of Irish Ferries, who charge through the nose for the privilege of being fleeced in the mobile cash cow they call a ferry. Then it means at least one night in a hotel on the way down, and a shed load of driving. Not that I mind the driving – I don’t, but it a long way, and Herself begins to complain.

Then there is the problem of Sandy.

She doesn’t have a passport [yet], so that means leaving her either in a kennels, or at the mercy of my daughter. I’m sure my daughter doesn’t mind, but I know Sandy would prefer to be living with a couple of old codgers and not with an extremely lively family. Our Sandy likes the quiet life.

So I’m stuck here with my hankerings. Cork is a lovely place but the heat isn’t quite the same. It’s a humid heat, and I like a dry heat.

I wish the urge would go away.

Has anyone got any heroin?

Retirement is tiring

2010-08-13T16:45:44+00:00

Last night, I chatted to a good friend on Skype.

He is in America and I’m not. This means there is a bit of a time difference. While it was evening for him it was early in the morning for me.

In other words….

I was late going to bed.

Had a grand lie in this morning.

Got up. Pottered around. Sat down. Dozed off.

I have just woken.

I wonder what’s for dinner?

This life of retirement is fucking hard work.

Adsense Changes?

2010-08-13T10:03:54+00:00

Just noticed this morning that adsense is displaying adverts in a very different format:

So it looks like some kind of hybrid between the normal text ads and the link units

This was probably announced somewhere, but I haven't had a chance to go digging and / or keeping up with all the changes in the "wonderful" world of PPC

Anyone else noticing this?

Get Independent Domain Statistics - For Free!

2010-08-12T18:05:10+00:00

Some ideas are so incredibly simple, yet they solve a very obvious problem.

One such problem is domain name statistics.

In this case I'm talking about parked domains. If you buy and sell domains it can help both parties to know how much traffic (and revenue) a domain is actually getting - as opposed to what the seller might like you to think. And of course getting those figures from an independent 3rd party makes them a lot more meaningful.

Andrew from DomainNameWire has recently launched a new service that does just that - and only that. It provides domain owners with a very simple tool to create certificates showing how much traffic, revenue etc., a domain is actually getting.

The system is very very easy to use.

Simply signup and confirm your email address.

Once you're logged in you can create certificates either for one domain, multiple domains or your entire portfolio (you can upload a text file).

The system currently supports Sedo, Parked.com, DomainSponsor and Skenzo, but other parking companies will be added over time.

Here's one I made earlier (click to enlarge) showing traffic only (some details have been obfuscated):

It's an interesting and useful service, so I'll be keeping an eye on it in the months to come.

Don’t start

2010-08-12T16:34:59+00:00

I wasn’t going to write anything today, because I was a little on the busy side.

However, Herself has asked me to.

You see, today there was a wee bit of an upheaval in Head Rambles Manor.

It started first thing in the morning when Herself came in from the shed with a face on her like a wet Monday. This is fairly normal so I ignored it. However, her usual swig of the gin bottle didn’t seem to cheer her, so I asked what the matter was. She coughed. I’m used to her coughing, but she isn’t usually so messy about it. Don’t ask for the gory details. This worried me. I don’t want anything to happen to her as I would miss her. Who else would wash my socks?

I brought her down to the Doc just to be on the safe side. Half an hour later, she emerged from the surgery looking a tad happier. Apparently she has a chest infection, and not what she secretly thought she had. It was caused by an infection, but she admitted that the fags weren’t helping it much.

Once we got home, she got quite chatty, and started giving out to me about the stuff I write here.

‘You encourage people to smoke’ she said.

‘No I don’t,’ I replied. ‘I maintain it is a matter for the individual’.

‘Well, tell them not to start.’

‘I don’t think I am going to influence ‘em one way or the other’ I retorted. I don’t like being told what to write.

‘Tell them,’ she glowered, ‘or I’ll tell Sharon you have the Clap.’

So I am telling you now. Don’t start. If you have started and are only smoking a couple a day, then stop now as the couple will soon become twenty. This is what happened with Herself. She didn’t smoke, but a “friend” persuaded her to have a couple a day, against my advice. The “friend” is long gone now, and the couple a day have become twenty, and as a result, a chest infection becomes a cause for a major worry.

Those of you who have never tried the pipe – try it. It is a much more pleasant pastime than dragging on the fags. It’s cheaper too, and cleaner.

So there.

I have said my piece.

And I don’t have the Clap.

Not at the moment, anyway.

I am a child abuser

2010-08-11T13:32:04+00:00

I really am getting very tired of all this.

Yet another wanker is adding his name to the list of Health Nazis.

No less a person than the Chairman of the Royal College of General Practitioners is giving everyone a slap on the wrist and, what’s worse, is accusing every parent of being a child abuser.

According to Professor Field, smoking in front of small children in a car, is a form of child abuse. If you are overweight then you are abusing your offspring. But then, by the same logic, you are committing child abuse just by having your child in the car in the first place? Cars are dangerous things, so the act of bringing your child for a drive is putting that child in danger of injury or death. In fact, having a child at all is child abuse by Field’s definition, because that child is condemned to death from the moment it’s born. Conceiving a child in the sure knowledge that that child is going to die [after a normal lifespan] is surely the most heinous act of abuse?

Field is one of those arseholes who is of the opinion that we should all live our lives with the sole purpose of being healthy. His world is a world of plenty exercise, healthy diet and no alcohol or tobacco. In other words, a miserable fucking world where we live like Stepford wives and endure our misery in the knowledge that it is ‘for our own good’.

What worries me about all of this is that fuckwads like Field are getting unquestioned publicity with stunts like this. Just because he is a fucking professor, people lap up every word. Even worse, his idiotic thoughts have a nasty tendency to become government policy.

If I were a young lad, I would be very very worried by all these unchallenged statements. They are going to lead to a world that would be the envy of any horror science fiction writer. I am talking about a world where children will be immediately removed from their parents if the parents aren’t feeding that child a properly regulated, government approved diet. I am talking about a world where CCTV monitors all families within their homes in case they do anything that may cause a potential hazard in that child’s future.

You laugh. That will never happen, you say. I am being melodramatic, you sneer.

Twenty years ago, you all would have laughed if I had suggested that smoking would be banned virtually everywhere? Twenty years ago you would have said I was scaremongering if I said that people would be refused life saving operations because they smoked or were too fat?

You mark my words. We are rapidly heading for a world that would make North Korea look like a holiday camp – a world where every move we make is monitored [for our own safety] and where all our food has to be approved [for the sake of our health]. We will be encouraged to spy on our neighbours and to report them if they transgress government regulations. Anything deemed to be high risk [which includes most, if not all leisure activities] will be banned.

We will be miserable.

We will be terrified of putting a foot wrong.

But we will be healthy.

Last Exit To Nowhere Sale

2010-08-11T09:55:25+00:00

I've bought a few tshirts from Last Exit To Nowhere in the past..

The designs are very cool, so their sale caught my eye. Worth checking out if you are film buff and into tshirts.

Wherefore art thou Tobacconist?

2010-08-10T14:46:45+00:00

One of the signs of a civilised society seems to have vanished almost entirely from the landscape.

I refer of course to the Tobacconist.

I’m not talking about the sweetshop come newsagent that sells fags as a sideline. No. I am talking about the shop that is dedicated to that bastion of the cultured world – the smoker.

There was a time when you could walk through a town in the sure knowledge that you would come across a tobacco emporium. These shops sold cigarettes, of course, but they also had a wonderful selection of pipe tobacco, cigars and snuff, and the walls would be lined with glass cases containing pipes, lighters and other delightful items.

I remember once coming across a shop in Tralee, in Kerry that was a haven for the smoker. It was a tiny dark shop, with an old woman behind the counter. The aroma in the shop rivalled the smell of freshly cut hay. That shop sold just about every known brand of cigarette or tobacco known to man and beast. It was a wonderful place. Sadly, as far as I know, the only remaining outposts of the smoking world that remain are in the city centre, and I ain’t goin’ there.

Smoking a pipe isn’t just about sticking it in your mouth and puffing it. It has to be lit, and cleaned as well. Walk into any modern shop and ask for pipe cleaners, and you’ll be met with a blank stare. The only lighters available are those horrid disposable yokes.

I am tired of those disposable pieces of crap. I would like a decent refillable lighter, but where do I get one? Decent lighters are surprisingly rare these days.

I suppose I will have to resort to the Interweb again.

I hate to buy things I haven’t seen with my own eyes first.

There are times when the modern world is a massive pain in the hole.

*sigh*

Nominet Publish Summary and Analysis of Short Domain Consultation

2010-08-10T09:21:51+00:00

Nominet, the registry operator for co.uk, have published the summary and analysis report on their recently held consultation on the release of reserved short domains.

The document, which runs to 25 pages, covers the background of the consultation process as well as providing an overview of the feedback received.

The consultation was open from March 8th 2010 to June 8th 2010 and during that time over 150 responses were received.

You can download the document from the Nominet site here

Of chests, nuts and chestnuts

2010-08-09T14:03:12+00:00

I see that tedious old chestnut is doing the rounds again.

“Ireland’s ranking for female politicians is dismal.”

I don’t know what they are worried about.

Every single member of our government is a useless cunt.

Reasons Your Spam is a Spam

2010-08-09T12:13:36+00:00

If you want to tell me why I'm getting an email (newsletter) that's fine. It's actually quite helpful, as I could easily forget how I ended up subscribing myself to a list or if I ordered from somewhere...

However putting this kind of text in your email footer is one sure fire way of getting me to list you as a spammer:

DISCLAIMER: This message is not "SPAM" because it contains our identification and unsubscribe instructions. This message was offered to you for one of the following reasons: your email address has been selected from a database that you have subscribed, your email address was made public by you; you have requested to receive the offer; you are a partner of our company; your email address is in our database as a result of previous correspondence.

There are so many things wrong with that disclaimer that it's almost impossible to know where to begin.

The ones I "love" are:

"it contains our identification and unsubscribe instructions"

Um .. ok... so? That doesn't mean anything at all...

The one though that really gets me is the "your email address was made public by you"

That is both hilarious and scary

(And just in case you're wondering - I got two copies of the same spam to two addresses that aren't published anywhere .. )

More Fun Social Media Tshirts

2010-08-08T18:29:28+00:00

Despair have released a new social media inspired tshirt and updated one of their existing designs.

Both tshirt designs are obviously influenced by FourSquare, so here they are:

And the updated social media Venn diagram ...

More info on their site - and yes, I ordered both already!

Citzalia

2010-08-08T14:12:14+00:00

Have you heard of Citzalia?

I hadn’t until yesterday.

So what is this Citzalia? Well, to use their own words it is –

“Democracy in action: whether you’re a student, a journalist, or even an MEP, there is a role for you to play in this virtual version of the European Parliament.”

Yup. Citzalia is a role playing computer game.

Now, I have nothing against games, though I don’t tend to play many, and have dabbled in the past in such games as SimCity and The Sims. This one however is different. You see, it’s based on the European Parliament and the writers are all excited about how you might even recognise some of the buildings. Even more startling, this game was commissioned by the European Parliament themselves at a cost of somewhere between €250,000 and €4,000,000.

What are the European Parliament commissioning games for, you ask?

It’s quite simple really.

Having built themselves up into one of the most undemocratic institutions on the planet, they are now giving us a say. They are letting us propose resolutions and vote on them. The snag is that it is a fucking game, and fuck all to do with reality. It is a virtual world. Having robbed nearly all Europe of the democratic vote in the Lisbon fiasco, they are returning the right to vote in a fucking game?

I would like to know just how realistic this game is. Am I going to be able to grant myself an exorbitant wage? Am I going to be able to claim massive allowances for playing [whether I actually play or not]? Am I going to be able to fuck over whole nations by imposing secret laws on them, through the back door? Am I going to have access to enormous quantities of cash that I can then lose so no one knows where it is gone?

Maybe this is the view of the ruling elite? Maybe they think that as long as we have a fucking game to play with, that we won’t notice what’s going on in the real world? We will be so busy shoving our little fucking avatars around the screen that we won’t see the hundreds of new laws and taxes imposed on us by Brussels?

The EU are all excited about this game and how we are all going to love it.

“Let them eat cake” they say.

They can go fuck themselves.

I’m about as happy as a pizza on Mary Harney’s plate.

Business News - Blacknight Takes First Position

2010-08-07T17:59:25+00:00

According to HosterStats Blacknight is now market leader in domain hosting in Ireland.

That's pretty cool :)

Wiping a snatch

2010-08-07T13:57:53+00:00

Occasionally, I get a snatch of music running through my hesd.

Depending on the piece, I’m not usually too bothered by it. Sometimes it’s a nice piece, and sometimes it’s a piece I could do without.

The worst is when it’s a fucking advertising jingle. That really annoys me, and it’s one of the many reasons I mute advertisements on the television. Unfortunately, I can’t do that on the radio, as I then don’t know when the ad break ends, so I have to suffer those commercial inanities.

If a piece begins to annoy me, I find I have to go off searching for it on the Interweb, where I play it a couple of times, and that does the trick. But suppose I don’t know what the piece is? Or even worse, suppose it is an advertisement? I’ll be fucked if I’m going to search the Interweb foe some fucking advertisement. So now I have some snatch of music running through my head, and I don’t know what to do with it.

A long time ago, I was in such a dilemma. It was a strange but haunting piece of music, and I eventually managed to track it down. I played it and that cured the snatch.

A while after that, I fell foul of some other rhythm that I couldn’t identify, so in desperation, I played my strange piece in the hopes that it would replace whatever was in my head. It didn’t. It erased it altogether.

I keep my haunting little piece to hand now. If ever I am troubled by any repetitive snatch, I play my wee sound track. It never fails. It erases both the irritating piece, and also itself. I am left with a clear, unmelodic head.

Now, I know what the piece is called, and who plays it, but do you?

Demand Media (eNom) Files for IPO

2010-08-07T12:15:58+00:00

Demand Media, which owns eNom, has started the process of an IPO. As part of that process the company has filed documents that reveal its earnings, business practices and a full list of its subsidiaries.

A lot of the domain industry blogs will be following this story very closely, as the filings reveal quite a lot about one of the biggest companies in the domain name industry.

The non-industry coverage will probably focus on the economics and the company's core business...

More coverage here, here and here, with more here

Pandering to the masses

2010-08-06T17:50:33+00:00

Did you ever have a switch–off day?

That’s one of those days where you have a nice lie in, and wake up really refreshed and so relaxed that you couldn’t be arsed to do anything?

Today was one of those days.

I had a few things to write about, but then I thought to myself – why bother? It’s my life, and my switch-off day, so I am going to just stare into space and think happy thoughts.

And then I get a complaint.

“You know it’s one of the clock in the afternoon here, so it has to be 6 pm where you are. We can’t all wait around on you all day and night you know. Get your fat lazy arse out of bed at the crack of noon if not at the crack of day and get posting. ”

Do you know what?

You can fuck off.

I don’t get paid for this. I can do what I fucking well like. If I don’t feel like writing, then I’m not going to write.

Today, I don’t feel like writing.

So go away and do something constructive. Go and read a book. Take a walk in the fresh air. Do the housework that you have been meaning to do for the last six months. Return that library book you borrowed three years ago [and never read].

Me?

I’m going back to my happy thoughts.

Under the spotlight

2010-08-05T15:09:54+00:00

I confess I am a little nervous.

Some time ago, I received a very polite email. It was someone from some university or something. She wanted to know if she could ask some questions.

I am a very accommodating bloke so I told her to fire away. I thought it would be the usual guff about why I started writing this site and when the fuck was I ever going to end. It wasn’t like that though. She started asking me all about my personal life. She wanted details of what I did every day and when I did it and why. She even went so far as to send me fucking forms to fill in where I had to fill in the actual times I started to do something, what I did, why I did it and when I finished. I asked her why the fuck she wanted to know all this shit and she explained that she was an anthropologist, and wanted to study my behaviour.

I had to think about this one. What in the name of Jayzus did an anthropologist want to study me for? What sets me apart from the rest of the human race that I need to be studied? Could it be that as pipe smokers are an Endangered Species that she was putting on record one of the last known specimens? Could it be that I am one of the first members of a super new species that is evolving out of the current splodge of Homo Sapiens? Am I the first Homo Grandad?

There have been developments since the first email. She has started turning up in the garden.

I sometimes think she is taking the piss, because she wears a white coat and has a clipboard. How fucking clichéd can you get? She keep appearing at the window and peering at me and then taking notes, which is why I’m getting a little nervous.

However, I know how to play the game. One trick I have developed for her benefit is to run out into the garden and collapse panting after a few seconds. She usually throws a few bananas at me at this stage to see how I react [I throw ‘em straight back. I prefer apples]. I then light up the pipe and do fifteen laps of the estate without pausing for a single pant. I can just see the headlines – “Research has shown that pipe smoking is very good for stamina!” Heh!

Some people brag about how they have their own personal solicitor. Others talk about their own psychiatrist or keep fit trainer.

But how many can brag that they have their own personal anthropologist?

Stick that in your fucking pipe and smoke it.

A dogs’s dinner

2010-08-04T17:34:19+00:00

I don’t know where the hell I got this from.

I found it cluttering up my disk, so I have pushed it onto MyTube or whatever the fuck it’s called.

More XKCD Genius

2010-08-04T15:48:52+00:00

This is so true:

Google Decides To Annoy Trademark Holders (Again!)

2010-08-04T12:27:22+00:00

Google, like many big companies, runs the risk of falling flat on its face one of these days. There is only so much that they can hope to get away with before things take a turn for the "worst" (ie. against them)

Google has always had an "interesting" relationship with IP holders and has been embroiled in several legal battles in Europe (and elsewhere) over the last few years.

This time round, unfortunately, they are relying on an ECJ decision to remove a lot of their restrictions on Adwords bidding. From September 14th it'll be "open season" on trademark bidding.

Google, of course, refer to it as an "improvement" for their users - hardly surprising as they'll be able to make more money from it.

Expect to see more court cases surrounding this, as the area is complicated (to put it mildly) and Google's decision has some rather interesting ramifications

Head Ramblegate

2010-08-04T11:23:55+00:00

I was musing over my site figures for yesterday when a though occurred to me.

Wouldn’t it be nice if I could predict how many people will be reading Head Rambles in say a year’s time?

Now, who would be the best people to advise me on future trends, given an existing set of figures. In a moment of sheer genius, I had the answer.

I phoned the Climate Research Unit at the University of East Anglia and asked for their help.

At first they were a little reticent, so I muttered the magic password – Freedom of Information. It surely is a magic password, because immediately they couldn’t do enough for me.

I sent them my figures, which apparently they call ‘raw data’. Almost at once, they had a few excellent suggestions. They didn’t like the first figure, for a start. They said it was much too high, as nobody browses the Interweb at one in the morning, and that obviously it was in error. I deleted it. They also weren’t too happy with the zig-zag bit and told me to smooth it out. They apparently call that ‘adjusted data’. I smoothed it. They then gave me the formula [or model, as they called it] and I put that in.

The result was quite staggering.

By extrapolating my figures, every single person IN THE WORLD is going to be reading my site by the end of the year. Isn’t that amazing? By the end of next year, every single human will have to read my site 1.496 billion times a day, just to keep up.

You have to hand it to the C.R.U.

They really know their figures.

And they are a university.

They couldn’t possibly be wrong?

IEDR Adds New Board Member and Issues More Figures

2010-08-04T10:58:59+00:00

I've been sitting on this "news" for a while, as I waiting on the registry to announce it ..

Fergal O' Byrne, who was the Irish Internet Association CEO and is currently CEO of startup Sonru, has been appointed to the IEDR's board as a non-executive director. According to filings with the Irish companies' office O'Byrne's appointment is effective from the end of May 2010, though it was only announced to the public today.

What is interesting, from a domain industry perspective, is that O'Byrne's appointment could signal one of two things. Either the IEDR are trying to change and actually want board members with industry experience or they are seeking to pay "lip service" to industry.

O'Byrne's appointment may be a good thing, but his role as a non-exec means that he won't be able to have as much impact as some of us in industry would like to see.

Of course it's been a busy few weeks over at IEDR central. They also announced last week that the 2nd quarter of 2010 was the "best performing quarter for .ie domain registrations in Ireland since records began".

While the figures for the quarter in terms of new registrations may have been up, the total zone size hasn't increased that dramatically and still hovers below the 150k mark.

You may also notice that the IEDR communications are now referring to "registrars" instead of "resellers". This change is due to the introduction of signed agreements between registrars and the registry operator in the last few months. More on that anon.

How to shoot your foot off

2010-08-03T13:25:45+00:00

There is a little conundrum that has been puzzling me for some time.

As the tide of anti-smoking Nazism sweeps the world, you would imagine that smoking levels would drop, or at the very least would remain the same. This is, after all, supposed to be the object of the exercise? Yet I have heard from various sources now that in virtually every country, once a ban is introduced, smoking levels rise. I know that in Ireland, levels were on the decline for a long time, up to the point where The Ban was introduced, and suddenly levels increase by two to three percent.

Why?

I can think of a few possible reasons.

One is that it’s a sense of rebellion, but I don’t think that washes well. More people may stubbornly refuse to quit, but I can’t see non-smokers taking up the pleasure just to show solidarity with their mates?

Another is the number of people who join their friends outside the pub or office or wherever, because the craic is better, and they start smoking to be with the friendly lot. That isn’t really a runner though? I know a lot of people have taken up smoking for that reason, but I can’t see it accounting for an increase of two to three percent?

I can only think of one logical reason why smoking is on the increase. Smokers used to enjoy their pastime in the privacy of their pub or their office. Naturally, you wouldn’t see them unless you entered their premises. Now however, they have all been forced out onto the street. Where once you could walk the length of a town without seeing a single smoker, now there are clusters of them outside every second door. There are smokers everywhere. What better example for the young?

The Nazis are very worried about example and visual stimulus. Why else would they ban advertising or the display of cigarettes? Yet, by their own actions they have made smoking into a high profile sport. They have created their own equivalent of advertising hoardings by making people smoke in the most public of places. No advertising executive could dream up a better scheme.

Personally, I don’t give a flying fuck whether people smoke or not. It’s nothing to do with me.

I do love to see the Nazis shooting themselves in the foot though.

Heh!

BBC Revamps Sherlock Holmes - But Only 3 Episodes?

2010-08-02T16:51:12+00:00

Sherlock Holmes is one of my favourite fictional characters. I've read all the novels and short stories - most of them more than once. I've seen a lot of the TV and cinema adaptations. Some have been good, others not so much.

The BBC is currently showing Sherlock. Their interpretation of Conan Doyle's character transposes Holmes to the 21st century. His sidekick, Watson, is a veteran of the Gulf War.

The first two episodes were both excellent. While some people may not like the idea of a Holmes in 2010, I for one loved it.

What I don't "get", however, is why they only ordered 3 episodes.

3 episodes of any tv show is incredibly short. In many cases you'd expect a 3 parter to be possibly the dramatisation of single novel.

So what is BBC playing at?

Why are they teasing us with good quality drama like this only to pull it away from us after a mere 3 episodes?

Just Between Us awarded Best European Film award at Karlovy Vary

2010-08-02T16:45:06+00:00

"Just Between Us" (Neka ostane medju nama) has been awarded the Europa Cinemas Label as Best European Film in the 45th Karlovy Vary International Film Festival.

Written by Rajko Grlić and Ante Tomic and directed by Rajko Grlić, "Just Between Us" is a wicked, indiscreet contemporary story set in Zagreb about the whirling erotic passions that percolate beneath the dull, composed surface of everyday bourgeois life and manners. It is about things that happen in well-established families that are mainly kept secret, but that nevertheless remain painful.

The film had already won 8 awards at the Pula festival. Visit the official site.

A clean post

2010-08-02T14:42:15+00:00

There is nothing worse than a dirty computer.

In particular, I like to have a clean screen.

It is more than frustrating trying to clean a blemish out of an image, only to find that it’s not a blemish but a speck of dirt on the screen itself.

By the same token, I could slave for hours creating the perfect image but you don’t see it in all its glory.

Please….

Click here to clean your screens now.

Thanks.

Chilling the dinner plates

2010-08-01T14:24:19+00:00

I noticed a little headline in today’s paper.

“It’s now cool to hang crockery on the wall”

There are two things that irritate me about this.

The first is the use of that ubiquitous fucking word ‘cool’. I hate that word on so many levels. I despise it, not because it is American but rather the fact that it is overused to the extent that people no longer think about its meaning. Cool is the opposite of warm. Today is a cool day. It now falls into the same category as ‘gay’ and ‘awesome’. Of course the latter is the most teeth jarring of the lot and it appears everywhere, and anyone who uses it in my presence generally needs a visit to the dentist shortly after.

Assuming that the article referred to is not a handy hint on how to use your dinner plates as an air conditioning system, we come to my second point.

I haven’t read the article but I am prepared to bet my life that what it is trying to say is that it is now acceptable to hang plates on the wall?

Who the fuck decides on what is acceptable behaviour?

If I want to cover my walls with crockery, then that is my fucking business.

Are there really people out there who are going to heave a massive sigh of relief, now that their guilty secret has been blessed by The Nameless Ones who decide what is acceptable? Are there idiots out there who will read this and promptly try to nail their dinner service to the wall?

Who the fuck are these Fashion Police? Who gives them their mandate? Why do so many hang on their every word?

I just do not understand the modern world at all.

RIP: Suso Cecchi D’Amico, writer of "The Bicycle Thief"

2010-07-31T15:28:29+00:00

One of Europe's most successful screenwriters, Suso Cecchi D’Amico, has died in Rome at the age of 96. D'Amico is perhaps best known as the writer of Visconti's "Ladri di biciclette/The Bicycle Thief" - a key film in the history of cinema. But by the time she had written this, she had also written "Roma: Free City" in 1946, and went on to pen nearly 120 films, including co-writing "The Taming of the Shrew" with Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor, "The Leopard" with Burt Lancaster and Alain Delon, "Brother Sun, Sister Moon", Casanova 70" and "The Leopard". She worked with directors Michelangelo Antonioni, Francesco Rosi and Mario Monicelli but most notably Luchino Visconti. She is credited with releases as late as 2006, at the age of 92!

Smoking makes you grow older

2010-07-30T16:09:10+00:00

I am amused.

I know I shouldn’t be, but I am.

You see, for a while, they insisted on printing pretty little pictures on my packs of baccy, with the general intention [I presume] of putting me off smoking for life.

They have the opposite effect.

Many years ago, the tobacco companies used to put little cards in packs of cigarettes, in the sure and certain knowledge that people would start collecting them. They did, and some fantastic collections were built. The pictures on the packs of tobacco have become my modern version of the cigarette card, and I am now buying more tobacco than ever, so I can collect them.

What I love about these pictures is the attempt to scare the shit out of me, when in fact they are so over the top that they just make me laugh.

So smoking is supposed to cause wrinkles?

To prove this they show a pair of wrinkly hands.

Whose hands are they? If they belonged to a twenty year old, then I would say the point was made, but for all I know, they just found some eighty year old and used his or her hands. In fact they remind me of my mother’s hands, and she didn’t smoke.

Now my hands are fine. They may not be up to the class of a baby’s arse, but considering whet they have been up to, and where they have been in the last six decades, they are in pretty good shape. They are one hell of a lot smoother than the ones in the photograph, and I expect them to look like that in maybe twenty years time. So what the fuck difference does it make whether I smoke or not? My hands are going to get wrinkly because that kind of shit happens when you get old.

They have it all arseways anyway. Smoking does not cause ageing of the skin. Age causes ageing of the skin, and it is going to happen whether you like it or not.

Now, if they had said that quitting smoking stops people ageing, I might be interested.

But then, fuckit..

Who wants to like forever?

Amazon Revamp Kindle

2010-07-30T13:20:53+00:00

Amazon's Kindle is one of those devices that I've been looking at for a long time, but I couldn't quite convince myself that I needed one.

Well I still don't need one, but I suspect I might end up with one ..

Why?

Very simply put - they've cut the price on them down to something more palatable and introduced some new options.

So what's it got that makes the difference?

It's slimmer and the screen contrast is meant to have been improved. Anyone I know who uses the Kindle has always been impressed with the screen, while iPad users have complained about not being able to read text in bright light..

The introduction of a cheaper, Wifi only, model is also a good move. Sure, you can opt for the 3G model, but putting a wifi only one at the close to £100 mark is a good move.

More Competition in New TLDs

2010-07-30T09:50:10+00:00

GMO Registry, which is part of the GMO Internet group, has been pushing dotShop, but it now appears that at least one other company is interested in pitching for it too..

This isn't the only new TLD project with competition and if ICANN announces tangible timelines in Cartagena you can expect to see a lot more of this..

Are ICANN Senior Staff Getting A Payrise?

2010-07-30T01:48:24+00:00

At the ICANN meeting in Brussels one of the topics that came up for discussion both during the public forum and the board meeting, was the topic of remuneration.

That time round it was specifically in relation to the board and more specifically its chair. The discussion during the public forum was very interesting, as getting the balance right in such matters is awkward.

There is currently an open comment period on the topic

In any case it now transpires that the ICANN board held a meeting on June 23rd to discuss staff salaries. Or more specifically, the salaries of some of the more senior staff members, namely Kurt Pritz, John Jeffrey and Rod Beckstrom.

You can read more about the meeting here, though the details are pretty scant. What it looks like is that they've empowered Beckstrom to review both Pritz and Jeffrey's salaries - presumably upwards.

That an organisation would have some form of salary review process in place is logical. But during the current economic climate a lot of companies (and other organisations) are either freezing salaries or even reducing them.

And in typical ICANN style the salary review will involve more costs than just the actual increase in wages.Why? Well it's ICANN, isn't it? Instead of simply adjusting salaries they're going to pay consultants to tell them how much they should pay them ...

Beckstrom's salary is also included in this review .. ..

Toronto festival to feature European films

2010-07-29T19:38:42+00:00

The Toronto International Film Festival (September 9-19) will feature an unprecedented number of European films this year. They include Tom Hooper’s The King’s Speech (UK/Australia); Andy de Emmony’s East is East sequel West is West; Mike Leigh’s Another Year, Danis Tanovic’s Cirkus Columbia, Alejandro González Iñárritu’s Biutiful and the premieres of Guillaume Canet's Little White Lies and Eric Lartigau’s The Big Picture.

For details, visit TIFF.

Shameless Hosting Offer Plug

2010-07-29T16:37:51+00:00

Threw this up on the company blog earlier today, so I'm shamelessly cross-posting it here..

We (Blacknight) have slashed the price on Windows VPS by 50%

More info here

Waiting for an iPad

2010-07-29T13:56:42+00:00

I go to a number of industry events every year.

At each and every single one of them there are exhibitors with bowls for business cards. The idea is simple. You give them your business card and are entered in a draw for some kind of prize.

I never win

Or more correctly.

I usually don't win!

I did win recently, which is why I'm writing this

The guys in Ascio are sending me a nice new shiny iPad and all because I put my business card in a bowl during the Brussels ICANN meeting ..

Studies have shown

2010-07-29T12:54:39+00:00

Herself came up with one of her Fascinating Facts last night.

She was browsing in the Interweb at the time, so I asked her if the fact contained a “research has shown”.

She admitted that it did.

The papers and the Interweb are crawling with these studies. They always start with “research has shown” or “a study has found” or something that indicates that this is a bunch of nobodies, trying to make a name for themselves and to justify their existence and their budget. I have reached the stage where I don’t believe a single one of them.

The “fact” that Herself discovered last night is that apparently having few friends is as damaging to survival as smoking 15 cigarettes a day or being alcoholic. Straight off, this confused me. Smoking 15 cigarettes a day is the same as being an alcoholic? Wow! That’s bad.

When it comes to friends, I have no complaints. Herself isn’t too badly off, as I let her share my friends from time to time. At least I know now that there is little chance of my ending my days in the gutter, or dying of liver failure?

If the government sees this, we are fucked. It will be compulsory to have friends. They will set up matchmaking offices around the country and we will all be registered. All males will be required to carry an IFA card and all females an ICA card. Social Welfare cheques will not be issued to anyone who isn’t accompanied by at least ten people [excluding family]. They will insist on setting up a Facebook account for everyone in the country [at a cost of 12.5 million?].

Maybe they will pass a law requiring everyone to attend a pub at least once a day? Of course then we would all gain friends, but become alcoholics which might defeat the purpose? But then pubs are closing at a great rate because of the smoking ban and causing people to lose out on a social life, which is a sort of Catch-22 conundrum?

I’m going to play safe. I’m not an alcoholic, so I’m all right there. I don’t smoke 15 cigarettes a day, so that’s fine.

Just to be on the safe side though, I have booked myself into Lisdoonvarna.

DNS.be Announces New Operations Manager

2010-07-29T12:50:08+00:00

DNS.be, the registry operator for .be, has announced that Chris Peetermans has been appointed as its Operations Manager.

Several senior members of the registry's management team left the organisation last year.

Press release below:

New Operations Manager for DNS BE

Louvain, 29th July. DNS BE has a new Operations Manager, Chris Peetermans, and that means that the direction team is almost complete again, except for one position. The combination of promoting in-house specialists and carefully selecting external managers enables DNS BE to face the challenges of the years ahead.

Chris Peetermans got his Master degrees in electronics, option computer engineering in 1992. After a career of more than 20 years with Belgacom, of which the last 10 years in various technical and commercial managerial positions, he decided to move to a different telecom company. For several years he combined his managerial position there with the position of ICT manager in a company of the diamond sector. Therefore Chris has loads of experience in setting up highly secured LAN/WAN networks. In the meantime he also obtained the Cisco CCNA and CCND certificates.

This is a new move in Chris' career; since 1st July he is Operations Manager with DNS BE. He emphasizes on developing an even more professional organisation, with particular attention to quality, security and the availability of the network, without losing sight of the costs.

So DNS BE sees a creative and experienced ICT jack-of-all-trades enter the company.

Later this summer DNS BE will announce who will be the last member of the management team, the new marketing and communications manager. From then on, a boost will be given to DNS BE's communications policy. DNS BE will indeed be launching a campaign during fall to better back up its 450 registrars.

New Logo - Good ? Bad?

2010-07-29T12:09:39+00:00

Since switching domains over I've been planning on a complete revamp of this site's look and feel. The first place to start with this is with the logo.

So this is the current one I'm thinking of using:

What do you think?

Mel Gibson lyrics in legal challenge

2010-07-29T08:56:57+00:00

: Image by Getty Images via @daylife

According to a report in Headliner Watch, actor Mel Gibson is in a legal dispute with his ex-girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva. But this time it’s not about a crooked tooth or alimony, it’s about lyrics that he wrote with her. The Russian beauty Grigorieva recorded an album produced by Gibson and with lyrics by him. To release the material, she needs his signature. But as they are in a very public dispute, he seems to be holding back. The issue will most likely go to court and could take ages, by which time the album could well be dead in the water.

This illustrates the importance of choosing your co-writers well. It is appallingly easy to get material locked in disputes. I once met a lawyer that specialised in finding ex-partners of the writers of hits to see if any old demos resembled the hit. When a claim is filed, payments can be put on hold until they are resolved. And courts can be notoriously random in their rulings. You do not want to go that path. So always choose to work with talented gentlemen (or ladies), and if you find any, do me a favour and let me know.

Our lane

2010-07-28T14:15:09+00:00

I think I may have mentioned Our Lane before.

It is a narrow lane that serves a few houses and looks like a cross between the Sahara Desert and the Grand Canyon, without the scenery.

In winter, it floods so you can’t get down it unless the floor of your car is a couple of feet off the ground. In summer, it’s a dustpan where any movement throws up gigantic clouds of dust and rocks. Winter or summer it is full of potholes that would try the strongest of suspensions.

We are always complaining about the lane [well, we have to complain about something?] and strangely enough, the loudest complainers are the ones who expect to treat the lane like a race track. In fact, I have noticed that the volume of complaints is directly proportional to the speed of the driver. There is a lesson there somewhere.

There is a lot of noise out there at the moment.

It started with a lot of beeping, and I looked out to see what it was. It was a council lorry reversing up. Now, the council only come here for one or two reasons. They are either going to fill some of the potholes, or they are going to remove some to place on a major road where they can be better appreciated.

I suspect the latter.

I cringe whenever the council come out. The last time they came, a couple of years ago, they threw a fortune’s worth of asphalt into the potholes and then buggered off. After they left, I checked their work and they had nicely managed to asphalt over all the drains [that didn’t work very well anyway] so that wasn’t going to help the flooding. Of course, a week later, the asphalt had all broken off and the lane was back to its old Sahara self. The only asphalt that had managed to stick was the drain blocking stuff.

I have to go out shortly. What’s worse, I have to bring the car. I don’t know if I will have a lane to drive on, so I may only get as far as the front gate.

If I don’t come back, don’t come looking for me.

I may have fallen into a new pothole.

No one ever comes out of them alive.

UPDATE

I managed to return alive.

I was amazed at the [lack of] work they managed to do considering the noise they made. Thay have a) thrown a couple of shovels of asphalt into one or two potholes, and b) thrown a couple of the neighbours’ bins into my garden to make way for their lorry.

The lane will be back to its old potholed self within days, but at least I now have a selection of bins.

How to revitalise Ireland’s tourism

2010-07-27T13:00:11+00:00

There has been a lot of navel gazing in recent months about the fact that the tourism market has collapsed.

There have been programmes on television and articles in newspapers and they try and analyse the reason for this. They mainly waffle on about the high cost of everything here which is a fair argument.

I have a very simple solution, that will be guaranteed to not only create a boom in tourism, but will revitalise a lot of businesses here as well. What is more, it will cost absolutely nothing. It won’t require a single cent of investment.

Repeal the smoking ban.

Just think about it for a moment.

What is wrong with this suggestion? If businesses don’t like the return of smoking, there is nothing to stop them retaining the ban in their own premises. If non-smokers don’t like the return of the smoky pub, they can carry on patronising the pubs that retain the ban [if any! Hah!].

What would be the benefits?

Well, just look at the UK for a start. At a conservative estimate, 25% of the population of 65 million smoke. That’s around 16 million people who need holidays like the rest of us. I can absolutely guarantee that a large portion of these would be more than delighted to come over here, simply because there is nowhere else for them to go. Speaking for myself, when the ban came in here, I started to holiday in the North. When the ban came in there, I started to holiday in France. It’s not that I am desperate to smoke in pubs, but rather to holiday in a place that doesn’t treat me as an inferior form of low-life.

Is there any drawback to this suggestion? Is there is a single reason why it shouldn’t work?

Ireland would become a Mecca for holidaymakers, and a beacon of light in the fight against the Nanny State.

Apart from anything else, I’m running out of targets.

Not a hangover

2010-07-26T13:16:42+00:00

You can say what you like, but this ain’t no fucking hangover.

If I do feel a little out of sorts after a feed of pints, a good night’s sleep or a massive fry-up or a bottle of whiskey usually sorts everything out.

I had a fairly good night’s sleep, apart from some very strange nightmares. The bottle of whiskey was enjoyable but ineffectual. The stomach couldn’t take a fry-up. And I am still feeling like I have been snogged by Mary Harney – aching all over; breaking out into sweats for no reason and generally feeling rotten.

I fucking hate being like this. I can’t tell Herself because she goes all motherly and fusses over me, insisting I take things easy and giving me loads of strange potions to drink. If there is one thing I despise in life it is being fussed over. I hate sympathy. I hate being mothered.

The brain is kind of fuggy too. As a result, I won’t be writing anything today, so you’ll just have to manage without me.

I’m off now to try another bottle of whiskey.

I know it won’t cure whatever the fuck I have, but who gives a shit?

It’s a damned good excuse.

CENTR Is Hiring

2010-07-26T11:47:17+00:00

CENTR has announced an open position in its Brussels office. The role is being advertised as a part-time office manager position.

More details on their site

Sick

2010-07-25T13:46:41+00:00

I’m as sick as a dog today.

Herself says it was the ten pints I had last night.

Well, she’s fucking wrong.

It was twelve pints.

Heh!

Tales from the script

2010-07-25T11:54:48+00:00

I just came across this tasty trailer on Twitter (don't forget to follow Cannes or Bust for movie and music biz news). Shane Black ("Lethal Weapon"), John Carpenter ("Halloween"), Frank Darabont ("The Shawshank Redemption"), William Goldman ("The Princess Bride"), Paul Schrader ("Taxi Driver"), and dozens of other Hollywood screenwriters share hilarious anecdotes and penetrating insights in Peter Hansons "Tales from the Script," which is billed as "the most comprehensive documentary ever made about screenwriting". By analyzing their triumphs and recalling their failures, the participants explain how successful writers develop the skills necessary for toughing out careers in one of the world's most competitive industries.

I don't know when it will be relased, nor where.

Happy Birthday .uk!

2010-07-24T16:52:34+00:00

2010 is the year that .com celebrates 25 years, but it's also the year the .uk marks a quarter of a century.

Over 25 years the .uk namespace has grown and grown to become one of the most widely used addresses on the internet outside of .com

The growth pattern is quite interesting.

During the first 11 years only 26 thousand domains were registered. One million names were in the zone by February 2000, which then grew to 5 million by 2006.

There are currently over 8.5 million .uk domains!

If you're a fan of statistics you can see the latest numbers from the registry here

America – the Land of the Free

2010-07-24T12:33:48+00:00

I came across a rather startling piece of video the other day.

It’s an extract from the QI programme on BBC. It’s supposed to be light entertainment, but the facts revealed somewhat sobered up the panellists.

Yes. The slave trade is alive and well and living in America, the Land of the Free.

In case anyone should be in any doubt that this is happening, there is even an official industry set up – UNICOR

A bit of an eye opener, huh?

[Hat tip to Captain Ranty who pointed me in the right direction.]

Like Jedward

2010-07-23T12:19:12+00:00

It all started yesterday afternoon.

Herself came in from the shed to say that she had been listening to the radio, and wasn’t sure what she had heard. Being an obliging sort of chap, I chained her up back in the shed and then went searching on the Interweb to see if I could find what she was talking about,

I found it.

Fuck me, but I don’t know what the fuck it was either.

Using my vast intellect and research skills, I discovered it was Jedward, talking on the phone to some young girl.

I really don’t know where to start. Maybe you should have a listen for yourselves?

Fist of all, can anyone tell what in the name of sweet fuck they are saying? All, like, I can. like, make, like, out is, like, that every, like second. like, word is ‘like’, like. Granted there is a ‘cewel’ and an ‘Oh My God’ thrown in there, but I haven’t the faintest fucking idea what they are on about? Can anyone help?

Apart from the fact that they are talking utter manure, what the fuck are they on? The only person I have ever heard talking like that is the character Vicky Pollard from Little Britain

Now I have nothing personally against Jedward. As utterly talentless kids go, they are pretty average. I feel very sorry for them though as their future is bleak. That dumbfuck Walsh has seen his chance to make a few quick sheckles out of them and he is marketing them like the clappers. Doubtless he is filling their heads with shite such as the idea that they can sing. Sooner or later, he is going to grow tired of them and what then? Out on their own, with their heads filled with crazy ideas that they can perform? And stupid haircuts?

So what does the future hold?

Can they sing? Fuck, no. I have heard cows carry a better tune.

Can they dance? Of course anything goes these days, but even within those limitations they haven’t a chance.

Can they speak? Apart from having voices akin to a nail scraping across a blackboard, I think the recording says it all.

So what is the essence of Jedward?

Idiotic haircuts.

They’ll go a long way on that.